Return

11.15.16 8:58am

Good morning everyone.

I haven’t exactly been doing great lately, but that’s alright. I will admit that I’ve been having trouble getting back into things, as far as making videos is concerned.

I have a feeling that this entry is going to sway a bit to the gloomy side, so if you’re not in the mood to get bummed out, you might want to stop reading.

I have been pretty depressed again lately. I always hate sharing this side of me online, because it’s always followed by people emailing me about “sucking it up” when they really have no place to do so. Anyway, I feel like talking about it, so I will.

I first want to point out that I don’t like feeling this way. I do want to be happy, and to be able to appreciate everything life has to offer. I always try to keep that in mind. I always worry, and I am always on edge, but I try not to take things for granted.

There are just some days (or weeks, or months) where I can’t seem to hold myself together. These are periods where I completely shut down. These are the stereotypical “can’t get out of bed” days.

I’ve gotten to the point of not exactly knowing what to do when this happens. Do I force myself to feel better? Do I just sit back and allow myself to feel what I’m feeling? I have no clue. At this point, all I’m concerned with is that I don’t self medicate, or self destruct like I used to. I suppose that’s progress. Not much, but it’s something.

I think I’m going to go watch something now. Maybe it’ll distract me.

-Reign

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7 thoughts on “Return

  1. I have been in the same place you are in and it isn’t always easy to turn it around in the manner you want it to. People who say, “you’ll get over it” or other such nonsense truly don’t have a clue. We all have different levels of emotions and feelings. So, listening to others in that respect is beyond impossible. They just need to mind their own business, plain and simple. Hope you enjoy your day, or try. 🙂

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  2. Been there too, odd rituals about stances, movements and gestures added into the mix. It may be best for you to see what works for you but I’ll share what’s doing wonders for me. Any thoughts, feelings or sensations you have at the time DO NOT try to block them; welcome them, say hi to them… and bid them farewell afterwards. If you feel the need to do rituals or feel you can’t abandon a place after you do something right, try to get the simplest of Burr puzzles and relate the accomplishment of solving it with you getting through what’s troubling you. After all, you are bigger than your problems; depression is pretty good at making us forget that, though.

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  3. It’s funny how other people can sit there an say “suck it up” or “get over it” when it’s easier said then done. I saw a comment on YouTube calling u spoiled. I never comment on anything cuz I’m insecure about certain things. But his comment made me mad. Cuz it don’t matter the life style. Could be poor could be rich, depression hits everyone. I totally understand where you’re coming from. There are some days where I don’t have the energy to do anything. Not even wash my own butt. Lol……but it don’t really go away on it own for most part. Try an get some counseling. Or if u have a good friend to talk to. Mine was to write. Free writing it’s called. U don’t think about what you are writing. Just out pen to paper an let loose on it. It really helps. Just keep reminding yourself that u won’t always feel like that. An things will get better.

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  4. Many of us have been depressed and treating it can be quite tricky/difficult. I just hope you’re seeking help through others/family/friends/doctors and not just trying to do everything yourself. I hope you start feeling better.
    Hey, I’m a small youtuber with Agoraphobia and I take 3 medications, and one of them is an antidepressant so it’s not easy being happy/content, but it’s possible.
    You could easily have a chemical imbalance in your brain that’s making you depressed. If so, it’s 100% not your fault, but you definitely need to seek professional help for it and know that most things don’t work on the first try! Best wishes to you and hope you get to feeling better ASAP because being depressed really SUCKS!

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  5. Reign,I was wondering what had happened to you,as I am a recent subscriber to your YouTube channel. I am sorry to hear this but I am also relieved,in a way. I,too,have been suffering from the exact same things…I am a professional singer and musician and I suffer from panic disorder. Although I seem to have the sorcery down on how to stay somewhat sane and balanced these days,around the same time you are saying yours started,my panic attacks( which are debilitating) and depression came back too!
    We are women and honestly,the moon DOES play a huge role in how our hormones fluctuate and affect us! I am 50,so I am also going through menopause but the lunar tides and shifts still affect me greatly. Since there were 2 Supermoons in succession,I think that folks like you and I can be highly affected. How you are choosing to deal with it makes sense… Do I force myself to feel better? Do I just sit back and allow myself to feel what I’m feeling? I have no clue.”-All are correct and smart ways to go! Good on you not to self-medicate too…believe me,I have most my life and I’m over it. Take care and know that you are going to be alright. Just try to remember when you did feel good and know that you will again! ^..^

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  6. Reign,I was wondering what had happened to you,as I am a recent subscriber to your YouTube channel. I am sorry to hear this but I am also relieved,in a way. I,too,have been suffering from the exact same things…I am a professional singer and musician and I suffer from panic disorder. Although I seem to have the sorcery down on how to stay somewhat sane and balanced these days,around the same time you are saying yours started,my panic attacks( which are debilitating) and depression came back!
    We are women and honestly,the moon DOES play a huge role in how our hormones fluctuate and affect us! I am 50,so I am also going through menopause but the lunar tides and shifts still affect me greatly. Since there were 2 Supermoons in succession,I think that folks like you and I can be highly affected. How you are choosing to deal with it makes sense… Do I force myself to feel better? Do I just sit back and allow myself to feel what I’m feeling? I have no clue.”-All are correct and smart ways to go! Good on you not to self-medicate too…believe me,I have most my life and I’m over it. Take care and know that you are going to be alright. Just try to remember when you did feel good and know that you will again! ^..^

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  7. Hi Reignbot,
    Sorry to hear that you are in the state your in. While having no advice to give I am wondering if you are familiar with Dave from Boyinaband? He went through what sounds like depression and a massive creative block and has posted about his unique solution:

    Worth a look, might give you some ideas, I hope so as I love your work and am looking forward to one day seeing your other creations. Good luck.

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