Time (The End Of 2016)

Morning Pages 11.17.16 9:38am

We’re halfway through November already, and very close to the end of 2016.

I’ll admit that I am hungry for change, and I absolutely want to see what the future holds. As I keep saying in these posts, I do have plans and things I am working on, but I’m just not able to go public about them yet. I’m inspired, and excited.

I think the end of the year is always a bitter-sweet time for everyone. To me, it’s always when I start to over think, and things start to get a little more gloomy.

This time is a little different. I’m not too sure why I’m feeling it, but on top of the usual depression that comes with the new year, I also have this feeling of not wanting things to end. You may think that sounds normal, but for me, it is not. I usually worry around this time of year because I know that change will come, and that’s as far as it went. This time, it’s not exactly a negative feeling. It’s almost like wanting to give the present a warm hug–or something like that. I just want to hold onto it for a little bit longer before it’s time to say goodbye.

In a way, I wish I had done that to every single day I’ve had on this planet. I don’t remember much of this year. January feels like yesterday to me. If I had held on a little bit more, then maybe I’d have something to look back at in 2016. There are a few memorable moments, but the bulk of the year is a drunken blur to me. I didn’t hold on to what I had. Instead, I made sure to stay numb and as far away as possible.

I woke up miserable today. I immediately started to weep, and just decided to stay still for a bit. I started to ask myself if I should even try today. We’ve all been there, and we all know that darkness and loneliness. Oddly, something beautiful came from it once I started to think about wanting to not let go of the now. A thought came over me. I’m still breathing…I’m still alive. For reasons I can’t explain, I started to smile, and cry even harder. I’m still here.

Final thoughts: Fuck I’m hungry. Time to find breakfast.

Have a great day.

-Reign

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One thought on “Time (The End Of 2016)

  1. After reading this, I feel like you just wrote the same thoughts that I,too, am struggling with! Your post gave me clarity regarding my similar darkness! I’m so happy you have found some levity, Ms.Bot! In doing so, you have definitely helped me find mine!

    Like

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