A little earlier than I expected, but that’s nothing to complain about. I’ve been up all night feeling like complete crap, so I think it’s important that I pour my thoughts onto the page.
I’ve mentioned this a few times here, but I’m starting to feel a little weird about the year ending. We’re only a few days away from December. Another month, and 2016 will be done with. What have I done this year? Not much. I’d even go as far as to say that I’ve gone backwards. 2016 is definitely an embarrassment to me, as far as work goes.
I remember 2015 and before. I was able to work a ton; I even made it a point to work a lot. I do, in fact, enjoy work. This year has been different. I don’t want to bother with a list of excuses. All I know is that I’ve been lacking the strength to carry on as usual, and I’m disgusted with myself for it. A whole year, curled up in a ball or drowning my sorrows. I can’t believe I’ve gotten myself to this point.
As I said, I spent the entire night awake. I was feeling deeply depressed, but right now I’m a little more angry than anything. I’m angry at myself for allowing myself to fall this hard. I’m not about to give some speech about how things are going to get better starting now, but I do want to actually do what I said I was going to do today, despite feeling like shit all night and not getting any rest. I can’t explain how tired I am of feeling like this. I want to act now–before one year turns to ten, and I find myself in a pit that I can’t dig myself out of.
Just one day. I just want to not fuck up this one day. We’ll see what happens. Updates will come tomorrow.
Have a great day.