New Year

12.31.16 8:02pm

Hello everyone.

I know I haven’t been around for the last few weeks, so I just wanted to check in with anyone who is interested.

First, I hope everyone is enjoying themselves tonight. I’m not very into the holidays, but you might as well use the new year as an excuse to have fun. I’m not doing anything tonight, though. Just sitting here waiting for 2017 to come.

Before 2017, I’d like to talk about 2016. Before that, I’d like to remind you what the point of this blog is. I write very personal stuff here for anyone who wants to read it. This isn’t a place for me to complain, even if it may come off that way. My point is that this might get a little whiny, so if you’re out having fun, I suggest you close this page now.

Let’s address what everyone has been asking me. Long story short, I haven’t been feeling great. I’ve fallen out of my routine, and that caused me to spiral out of control for the last few weeks. I never did well with December. Anyway, I am NOT suggesting that that’s an excuse for my absence from the channel. I know I’ve been saying that all year, and that’s exactly what I want to talk a bit about now.

I think a lot of people are done with 2016, and so am I. I don’t think 2016 is as horrible a year as people make it out to be, but I will admit that this has been possibly the most embarrassing and wasted year of my life. A lot of good has happened, but I allowed myself to be held back quite a lot. Of course, I’m hoping next year will be better.

So, what’s going on with me now? I have been working on some new stuff over the last couple weeks that will be ready to go live in January. How do I feel about it? Terrified. It’s nothing all that different, but I am throwing stuff on the wall just to see what sticks. I could stick to how I’ve been doing things, but as I said in previous posts, I’ve grown very bored with it. It’s basically January, and a great time to change things up. I do feel as though I’m limping around, but I guess limping is better than stopping.

I think every YouTuber faces the constant anxiety brought about with the idea that their channel may die out soon. Of course, I barely uploaded anything in 2016. It’s safe to say that my channel basically is dead. Anything I put out there from here on out will be an attempt to revive it.  I’ve spent a long time wondering if I even want to carry on with YouTube, and after almost a year of sitting on it, I’ve decided that the answer is yes. I do want to keep this going for as long as I can, growing it however far I can. Yes, it will all end at some point, but I’m willing to stick around until it happens instead of tapping out. Again, I am completely terrified, and I have no clue how any of that is going to work out for me. With this comes a feeling of excitement. I have no clue what I’m doing, but there’s something refreshing about that.

I think now that I’ve surpassed my initial goal of 100,000 subscribers, I want to work on being a lot more structured than I’ve ever been. I think what kept me going during my first year of YouTube was the idea of that 100k goal. I always wanted that silver play button. Once I got it, I hit a wall. What else was there to reach for? Right now, I’m aiming small at 200k, then 500k. Hopefully I’ll be able to reach those milestones sooner than later. Do I imagine myself being able to hit 500k? Fuck no, but I also never thought I’d hit 10k.

Anyway, what I’m getting at is that 2016 was a heaping pile of dog shit for me–because of me. I made it that way. There’s a lot more I’d like to do in the near future.

Have a great night.



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